Just me, myself and I

This week has been sort of rough i guess. I had my music trial and i think i did well (except for my viva) which is good. I feel so sad because tomorrow Chica is going to be put down because her kidneys are failing and i feel so sad for Gab :( Chica was the best dog and i just hope that i'll be a good enough friend to Gab.

Sigh. This week seemed to drag on and i was so lonely. I hate weeks like these. I guess i just have to be patient and wait for things to change. I tried hanging out with Alli which was fun but we ended up playing COD and i felt like crap after that (it's so ironic--i value life yet i ruthlessly killed people in the game) so that didn't really go down well, i couldn't bug Gab because she's upset about Chica, and i tried messaging a few people and that didn't really work, which makes me feel like a complete retard. I don't understand why i can't just accept the fact that if people want to talk to me they will and if they're not talking to me now then they obviously have better things to do.

I think one of the problems i have is that when i'm lonely i'm left to think about anything and everything and i tend to mess things up. i had a huge fight with mum yesterday and quite a few little arguments throughout the week. And i had such an unnecessary argument with Ragulan for the past three days. If i had just stayed off facebook and tried to occupy my thoughts with things other than him i wouldn't have hurt so much and probably wouldn't have cracked. Arrgh.

Sometimes i wonder how important i actually am to others and this week just made me wish that i meant something to someone.

Dear Good Guy

I was reading through a new era today and found this. I really like it :)

Dear Good Guy,

I know you're out there. I've seen you helping your little sister with her homework, carrying your mum's groceries in from the car, hanging out with your brother--even if he is a pain sometimes--and holding the door for me.

I'm impressed by the fact that you read and know your scriptures, and you seem to enjoy them.

I think it's pretty cool that you're an Eagle Scout. I have brothers, and i know how much work that is. It's awesome that you're willing to put that much effort into something.

I have resisted, on several occasions, the urge to clap out loud when I see you singing in church--too few guys do that, and honestly, i find it really attractive that you're willing to sing hymns like you would any other music.

I'm reassured knowing that you're blessing and passing the sacrament worthily. I can't do that for myself; it's comforting to know that you're worthy to use the priesthood you hold. It's a big deal, and i'm glad you respect that.

I like it when you show up to Mutual, Sunday School, and seminary. Not only am i glad that you don't take the Church of Jesus Christ for granted, but i'm glad that i get to see you.

I don't say it enough, but listen to me now. I like who you are and the things that you stand up for. I like your strength and convictions. If you ever get discouraged and think being a good guy is more trouble than it's worth, remember that I'm keeping an eye on you. I'm striving to be good so you'll respect me.

I respect you and will stay strong. Don't ever stop being a good guy. You're the best.

Faithfully yours,

An admirer

:)

I promised myself that i could post on my blog if i worked hard for the past few hours. It's so late but i have so many things on my mind at the moment and it seems that when i write on my blog i feel relieved.

Yesterday at the children's hospital i got to go around with another volunteer i hadn't met before to visit all the wards and he was an extremely nice guy. He had a great character (he probably lives a good set of values) and seemed to be seeking out the good things in life. We got alongwell and he taught me so many things. It's nice that i now know how to wrap a baby up, how to make a baby smile and how to make a baby calm down. Babies are so gorgeous and i'm so excited that i can be a mum some day!

I would also just like to say that i'm so happy that i'm in Baulkham hills stake :) It's not that my previous stake was bad or anything, it's just that the people in my new stake are so friendly and easy to get along with, and they make an effort to be your friend. They're pretty cool and us YW all work so well together :) our YW choir at stake conference is going to be amazing.