I need love and attention. I need it like i need food.

I'm such a mess right now. I feel like i've just screwed up my life recently. I can't even do anything right! i try to study scriptures every morning before school but i can never get it right. I try to do my homework everyday but i just can't focus, i can't get myself to do it! I'm so busy trying to meets everyone else's needs and make sure that they're happy that i don't even get the things I need. I hate how much effort i put in at church to always invite Alicia and encourage her to come; i picked up Jilaine for seminary for the past year and a half (not from this week onwards though), i set everything up in young women, try to be friendly to everyone, even the boys and especially visitors. But no one does anything for me. Alicia doesn't even appreciate what i do for her and Jialine doesn't even give me appreciation in return for everything i do for her.

At seminary this morning i had to get hymn books from the chapel and i asked if someone would help me and no one wanted to, except for Adrianna. NO ONE wanted to help me. Everyone just sat there staring at me like i was a retard or something. GEE THANKS GUYS. I wasn't at youth on wednesday because i had such a bad day and no one called to even make sure i'm ok. Everyone just thinks "Ah it's Nat, she's amazing and perfect and whatever whatever whatever, she'll be fine, she'll be here next week, maybe she just had school work to do or something". No one ever bothers asking how things are going, with family, with friends, with the boy, nothing. I take so much interest in other people's lives and really try to be involved, but everyone else can't even be bothered to pick up a damn phone and text me or call me or write to me on facebook! Some kind of friends. Thank goodness i don't go to church for the people.

I've been so angry today and last week i was just so sad. I'm so emotionally hurt right now from everything in that's happening to me in life and no body even cares. no body cares. Everyone has the need to be accepted and to be loved and cared for, i need love and attention too. I'm not superman or something, i have feelings. And sometimes, just sometimes, i wish people would stop assuming that i'm so perfect and don't need help with anything, BECAUSE I DO! I feel so lonely. Yet no one sees. And no one cares.