I hate how you've changed. I hate how you've changed so suddenly and treat me like crap. One day when your friends aren't there (like in the holidays) you'll tell me that i'm the most amazing person in the world; the prettiest girl you've ever seen and someone no one will ever be able to replace. Then when we get back to school and your friends come into the picture you change, and you act exactly as they do: You treat me like i'm some piece of crap just lying on the floor that you can just walk over.
I spent all day yesterday in the heat taking apart a hot chicken just so that i could make you a chicken mayo sandwich for today, and you don't even come and get it at recess because you're having too much fun with your friends and forgot!
Also, you're really insensitive to my feelings. You don't even appreciate the book that i'm making for my dad--something that means something to me--instead you just say ah kay cool and walk away. You're the only person who i was hoping would get excited about it and be happy for me and want to help, but it's actually everyone else but you who likes what i'm doing and tries to be apart of it.
Then at lunch you finally come get your sandwiches and then Jordan comes and starts a water fight and what's the only thing you can do? Point to my chest and say/sing "haahaaa it's see through. I can see your bra. What a cute polka dot bra, i like it" ETC ETC ETC like i'm just there for your pleasure. You're a douche; a douche with no respect! Just any other guy.
I feel like such an idiot right now -- what in the world made me want to go out with you?! you don't even respect me. If you really loved and cared about me you would respect my standards and be the one covering me up so that no one can "see". I'f you really loved and cared about me, you would have covered me up. I hate how you just don't seem to care. You're my boyfriend so you can "do whatever you want with me", You're my boyfriend so you're "allowed to look".
I wish you were still the same guy i said "yes" to almost 10 months ago, the one that didn't even have to try coz he was already too cool for school; the one who had many friends because he was a decent guy. Speaking of 10 months, that's another thing--you didn't remember ANY of our anniversaries you didn't even remember the day we started dating! Not our first month, not our 6 months, not our 100 days or anything that can be counted as an anniversary. I eagerly awaited those days with hope that you'd remember, but then i'd just end up feeling sad and let down.
I've just got to keep convincing myself that you are not the type of guy i want to be with. Once i'm convinced, everything will be sweet.
You're messing with my emotions and you hurt me so much. i breakdown and cry everyday. You don't even care. If you knew this little fact you probably wouldn't feel bad, or genuinely change how you treat me either. I can't change you. So i hope i just get over you quickly so that i can be happy again. Right now i don't even know what that is.
Hopefully happiness comes soon. Last night Heavenly Father told me that i have to take a few steps into the darkness before i can find the light. I've let go of you baby, because that's what the Lord wants me to do (even though i feel like my worlds going to fall apart because you're the glue that holds it all together)--that's me taking a few steps into the dark. I know i've done the right thing, so i should eventually reach the light and find happiness, right? i guess i just have to hang on, even though it's really hard.
On top of you making my day so depressing, many other things happened that can clearly mark today as the worst day of 2011 (and possibly 2010) so far. There are too many to list, and i just really can't be bothered.
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