Last week I was excited for school to start--why, though, i have no idea. Over the past two days I have been reminded of why i don't like school. It's so empty and unfulfilling compared to what it used to be; change has greatly dulled my life. It's so empty and dull because i didn't follow my friends, but instead chose to live a life full of values--it's a hard life. Don't get me wrong, i like having values and i like the happiness i can experience from it, but it doesn't fill the hole that once contained loving friends, a wonderful boyfriend and a comfortable and easy life style.
This has been on my mind all day and having thought about it, though, i have realised that this is nothing to cry over, nothing to not eat over and definitely nothing to indulge in excessive amounts of chocolate over. This isn't a time to give up or a time to complain, but it's a time to be proactive and cheer up. Life is full of trials and challenges, if i'm down about each one of them, then I'm never going to get over them, and i will continually be unhappy.
I look at all the things i've sacrificed in my life just to be true to myself and to have integrity; and these are many things. I'm reminded of the story where Jenny's (a five year old girl) works hard and saves up to buy these $2 pearls she absolutely loves. After her dad reads her a bed time story one night he asks her "Jenny do you love me?" "Oh yes, daddy, you know i love you!" "Then give me your pearls," he said. "Oh, no daddy, not my pearls! You can have Princess my horse, you know, the one that you gave me for my birthday--she's my favourite," she said to which her dad replied "It's ok, darling. I love you and good night." This happened again a few nights later; then a week later he came upstairs to read her a bedtime story and found her crying in her room. He asked her what the matter was and she said "Here daddy, you can have them," and handed over her most prized pearls. He smiled and said thank you, and then he reached into his pocket and gave her a box which contained a necklace made of genuine pearls, which he had kept with him all along, just waiting until Jenny gave up her cheap plastic pearls so he could exchange it for something worth much more.
This is not unlike Heavenly Father who loves me so much and wants to bless me for doing the right thing. He has asked me to sacrifice things in my life so that he can give me better things; and i actually feel silly for being upset and complaining about it. I know that he is there and he loves me so much. And i know he will bless me with greater things than those that i sacrificed for him. I guess i just have to wait patiently and not focus on what i'm giving up, but instead what i will be receiving.
I've chosen to follow God and it's difficult, it's so unpopular in this world, but if i keep persevering through these trials, i will eventually overcome them and receive a reward greater than the hardship i had to endure.
The thing is, i know i need to have a more positive attitude, but i don't know how to change my attitude around and become more optimistic :/
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