Firstly, i'd like to begin by saying that i feel horrible! I ate so much food today :( i just want to throw up. I try to cover it up by drinking water (as i have a fear of vomiting) just because water is "healthy", but i somehow don't think it really works that well :/ UGHH! I hate eating a lot. I really dislike myself for letting myself eat all of that food! AHHH! Kim how do you do it? :( i wish i could eat like you do.
Secondly, i'm proud to say that I've also started a blog about integrity for my Personal Progress Value Project :D i'm so excited.
http://natandintegrity.blogspot.com/
Ok. now to the main part of my blog. So it's my dads birthday on the 29th right, and i have no idea what to do about it.
It's so awkward, because sometimes i think about what he did and what a big mistake he made, and i can't help but feel like he doesn't deserve anything. After all, he is the reason things are the way they are. And if he wants to leave and go off with someone else, that's his choice. But because that was his choice, he created what his and my relationship is now. I can't even remember the last time i spoke to him. We only ever type on google talk. I haven't heard his voice for over a year (which i think i'm ok with, because it might be a bit weird or uneasy hearing his voice now after it's been so long), and i think the last time i ever had some sort of conversation with him was about 4 months ago.
But given all of this and the whole situation with him and my sister and i, he still sends my sister and i a gift for our birthdays. Does that mean that i should return the courtesy? I Probably, right? Hmm. But what would i even get him?! I dont know enough about him to know what to get him for his birthday.
I spoke to Rags today about it and he was so caring and gentle about the whole situation with my dad and just the way he treated me made me feel secure and reassured that no matter what happens with my dad, everything will be ok.
I also spoke to my "appappa" about it and when asking his advice too on what i should get my dad for his birthday, he told me that the greatest gifts he ever got from his son were long letters his son wrote to him, telling him how good a dad he is and how much he appreciates the time his dad spends on him. I thought about this for a second and thought that if that were me, I would only be able to write 1 or 2 sentences, never mind a whole long letter! But then i thought about it some more and i felt that instead of turning away my dad for his wrong-doings, i should respond positively and lovingly. Whether he deserves my love or not shouldn't be the question. I should follow the Saviour's example and make him feel of worth.
I think about it this way: So say for example you have a friend and no matter what the friend does, you always seem to criticise him and tell him that he's a bad kid, that he isn't good enough and that he will never be good enough for you. The chances are that he is probably going to feel insecure and worthless, right? I think this is because in life, we tend to live up to the identities that people give us. So, making this situation more positive: If instead of telling your friend that he isn't and won't ever be good enough, you tell him that he is wonderful (even if he is not!) and that he has potential to be someone great and you remind him that he is of worth even though people are criticising him for the mistakes he has made (even if you think he made stupid decisions) the point is that he is most probably going to live up to the identity that you give him. So he may not be the nicest guy or the most talented guy, but because you tell him that he is, he feels the need to live up to that standard that you set.
So i guess this is how it's applied to my dad:
Everyone tells him how stupid he is for making that decision, and what a bad person he is; and my sister and i sort of (subconsciously) refuse to make a big effort to maintain a relationship with him and i guess we sort of treat him like an outcast to our family. We then also tell him of the things he should be doing, like going to church again and praying, etc.
I think this is a negative approach. If i tell him and show him (by my actions) that he is of worth and that he is a great guy and that i'm not focusing on the negative side of things, chances are that he'll appreciate it a lot and feel the need to live up to this identity of an amazing person that i've given him. I can tell him to go to church, but this won't be as effective as giving him a great identity to live up to. If i show him kindness and love, he'll be more likely to come back to church and repent of all his mistakes.
So i'm going to make him a book with pictures in and stuff i like about him or just memories that we've shared. And i'm going to make it all pretty and post it to him.
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