Gonna miss you baby.

Ok, so i know it may seem random, but I feel sort of exposed.

On monday when you came over, apart from how i felt because of this one little thing, i had a really good time :) You are the most amazing guy in the whole wide world. I can't help but wonder how different my life would be if i didn't meet you; if you didn't move here.

I'm glad we could've established that we're going to try to separate for the year, and i just felt so content when i showed you what i've always wanted to show you: You saw my photo album from when i was little, you got to read some of my blog and i got to show you things i've written in my journal. See, these are the things that i hold really close to me, some of my deepest darkest secrets, and i feel good that i was able to let you in and allow you to walk through the door into a whole new part of my life. I do sort of feel a bit unguarded, though. I feel like i've shown you a whole new part of me, but i haven't seen a whole new part of you so it makes me feel a bit exposed. But i trust you though, so i guess it's ok. i hope you don't see me differently or think that i'm weird because i write down the majority of experiences i have! I guess that if i were you and you were showing me your journal and all the things you've written, i'd think i'm a bit weird for writing all that stuff. I also can't help but wonder if from now on you'll be more selective of what you tell me because you fear that i will write it down on my blog or journal :/ this thought makes me feel a bit uneasy. But hey. I worry too much and i should just let it be.

Ok, so now that we're actually going to start to separate, i would just like to say that (even though there have been a few not-so-good experiences in our relationship) these 9 months have been amazing and i've learnt so much from you. I can't even express how awesome you are and how happy you've made me. It's all those really little things you do that make me the happiest girl in the world.

I would also like to say that through this time with you, i've really learnt the meaning of love. My understanding of love has grown dramatically and i can honestly say that i've never loved anyone more in my whole entire life. i've loved you more than anyone-family included. I loved that you let me meet your mum and i love how you let me speak to her on the phone on NYE :) Also, there have been so many times in my life when i've needed help and i have had no clue where to start, but i didn't have to worry, because you were there. i could always rely on you! Whether it was a small situation like the hole in Kim's hose, or a huge situation like me feeling so sad and worthless or going through friend problems, you were always there. You always help to me calm down and fix things. I feel forever grateful to you for that week of your party when you got your P's and i was really upset and you picked me up and took me to your house and gave me chocolate and wrapped me up like a little sushi (like you always do :D) and comforted me. You are really special and i hope you know that. It doesn't matter what people say, you are amazing and special and you're not the average guy. I think it's so hot how you don't want to drink, even though all your mates do it. Maybe they mock you or tease you a little, but i'll tell you that you're so much better than them, i'd never date anyone like that, and the fact that you choose not to drink and you don't give in no matter what anyone says makes you extremely sexy. So yes. this post is turning out way longer than i expected LOL. So just remember who you are, and just know that there will always be a little place in my heart for you, always. No one can take that away. I love you so much, and i really hope everything works out for the best.

Good bye, baby. I'm gonna miss you.