My day just got so much better after i had a conversation with my mum. It was nice to touch base with her and spend some time, because lately we haven't really been spending time together and building our relationship.
I look back on the title of my last blog and sort of smile to myself. The majority of the conversation between mum and i was centred around the fact that i take life too seriously and that when i don't get it right the first time, i feel like such a failure. She retold to me the story of when i was younger and i took long jump so seriously. I wanted to jump 4m but i just couldn't do it. I practised SO hard and invested a lot of time and effort into my goal and also did extra working out on the side just to get stronger so that i could achieve my goal. And some days i would just keep stepping over the plank and not get anywhere. And i would feel like a failure because i wasn't getting it right. But in the end (after a long time, and after a lot of practise and effort) i jumped 4m. I actually ended up jumping something like 4.8m!
I love how my mum teaches me and bears her testimony to me. For some reason when she told me about the Saviour, i just felt comforted and i really felt a belief grow inside of me about what she said:
We fought a war in heaven over agency. A THIRD of all the hosts of heaven were cast out and never got a body; and this was all because of the idea of agency. Heavenly Father wanted us to have agency--to make our own decisions in life in order to learn and to grow. And he knew that we would make unwise choices, and so he prepared a way so that when our choices turned sour, the Saviour would be there to clean up our mess and help us get back on track. The Saviour Jesus Christ is our advocate: He argues our case for us and asks for mercy and grace to be bestowed on us. Satan is the accuser. HE tells us that we have made the wrong decisions and that we should be ashamed. The Saviour is right there, on our side, ready to help us with all our problems; and the Lord knows the desires of our hearts. He will answer all of our prayers and he will alway be there for us.
So i guess that it's part of human nature to mess up, but we should utilise the atonement and invite the Lord into our life to help us get back on track. And when we feel he isn't there or close by to us, we can always pray and study our scripture. I have felt so much comfort just from reading from the pages of the BOM. the immediate change in feeling is amazing and refreshing. I like the idea that the Saviour is our friend.
So i guess, me dating Rags is like my goal of jumping 4m--just a different type of "jumping 4m". I break up with him and then get back together with him and then things happen and then we get distant from each other then we're really close and then i mess up and then i feel like a failure because i haven't "jumped" my "goal of 4m". But it's ok to mess up and it's ok to not be able to jump 4m yet. One day will come when i WILL jump 4m! but today's just not the day. and that doesn't mean that i'm a failure.
I've felt so alone lately (in terms of God) even though i've been studying my scriptures and praying everyday. But sometimes when we feel alone we shouldn't feel or think that the Lord isn't with us or that he doesn't love us or care about us. We should just remember that opposition and blessings are sort of like banking. Sometimes we have all this opposition and we feel that we're alone and that God isn't there. But the opposition has to equal the blessing. Therefore, if there is a lot of opposition, we just need to be patient because we'll have the same amount of blessings waiting for us at the end of all of it! When you're having a lot of opposition and no blessings, the blessings are just building up in the "bank" and getting bigger, and when you finally get paid all of your blessings, they have increased a lot and the whole experience will be worthwhile.
Mum says i shouldn't be so serious about life, and i should regularly give myself pats on the back as i progress along my journey to achieve my goal. You could imagine my face when she said this ... i had the most serious and you've-got-to-be-kidding-me look. I really feel like i don't try hard enough and that sometimes i'm just not good enough. I am really hard on myself and i don't praise any of my good efforts or progress and when i've achieved my goal i don't even pat myself on the back--i just get straight into the next goal. i should reward myself more often and be patient with myself as i learn. I should give myself pats on the back everyday for trying to achieve my goals.
I think i'm going to try to not be too serious in life.
No comments:
Post a Comment