We're doing math homework at our table in the park. the papers are held down by my calculator, pencil case and other heavier books, and they are blowing with the wind. The noises of the kids skating at the end of the park are carried by the wind and are distantly faint. I lean in to see how you're solving the math problem. you sense my movement and the distance between us getting smaller and you take my head with your hand and gently rest it on your shoulder. your hand stays where it is. I breathe a sigh of relief. All my fears and sorrows flee instantly. I note that i am very cautious though: I sit as still as a small animal playing dead. I don't move. i also silently wish with all my heart that the papers don't escape and go flying across the grass, or that someone else distracts us, because i don't want you to move one bit. i don't want to get off your shoulder. I contemplate, in the back of my mind, whether me lying on your shoulder is appropriate or not. i then move slightly and lift my head from your shoulder. i don't actually know if it's a good or a bad thing--all i know is that i want it. you lift your hand, unaware of the thoughts going through my mind, and you put it back on the paper beside you where you're doing question 12c.
With a sudden jolt, the wind grabs the papers and they fly off with the wind! I immediately get up and follow after them. I can feel your head turn and your eyes watch me as i try to rescue the notes we need for our test. I start to feel uneasy, though, as the distance between us gets bigger. I make my way back to the table and sit down. we put the papers back under the heavy text books and re-evaluate which question we're going to attmept next. we decide to do one of the challenge questions. i quickly jot down the question and start to solve it. I finish before you: not something that usually happens. you must be tired. You then start solving the problem out loud. I watch how you illegibly scribble down your answers. It's cute. It's also cute how you comment about the fact that you can't even read your own writing. I agree. I really don't mind though; you're sitting next to me, that's all that counts. I quietly sit and soak up your presence as you carry on solving the question. You then finish up and look over to my answers to compare. your whole body seems to move closer to mine as you lift up my book to discover the answer on the answer sheet under my heavy folder. Not caring about your next reaction, i habitually lean my head against your arm which is now cutting across in front of me. I wait for your reaction. you don't flinch. I am once again relieved. Your concentration then oscillates between me and the math problem you're trying to figure out where you went wrong on. Unable to multi-task, you momentarily stop solving the math problem and run your fingers softly through my hair. like you always used to do. I smile. Your arm moves and my nose almost touches your arm. Tempted, I take in a deep breath and relax. I feel comfortable and happy--I close my eyes and feel at home. you smell like you always do--clean and half chocolatey. Words cannot even describe how good i'm feeling at the moment.
With a sudden jolt, the wind grabs the papers and they fly off with the wind! I immediately get up and follow after them. I can feel your head turn and your eyes watch me as i try to rescue the notes we need for our test. I start to feel uneasy, though, as the distance between us gets bigger. I make my way back to the table and sit down. we put the papers back under the heavy text books and re-evaluate which question we're going to attmept next. we decide to do one of the challenge questions. i quickly jot down the question and start to solve it. I finish before you: not something that usually happens. you must be tired. You then start solving the problem out loud. I watch how you illegibly scribble down your answers. It's cute. It's also cute how you comment about the fact that you can't even read your own writing. I agree. I really don't mind though; you're sitting next to me, that's all that counts. I quietly sit and soak up your presence as you carry on solving the question. You then finish up and look over to my answers to compare. your whole body seems to move closer to mine as you lift up my book to discover the answer on the answer sheet under my heavy folder. Not caring about your next reaction, i habitually lean my head against your arm which is now cutting across in front of me. I wait for your reaction. you don't flinch. I am once again relieved. Your concentration then oscillates between me and the math problem you're trying to figure out where you went wrong on. Unable to multi-task, you momentarily stop solving the math problem and run your fingers softly through my hair. like you always used to do. I smile. Your arm moves and my nose almost touches your arm. Tempted, I take in a deep breath and relax. I feel comfortable and happy--I close my eyes and feel at home. you smell like you always do--clean and half chocolatey. Words cannot even describe how good i'm feeling at the moment.
It's moments like these that make tomorrow worth living until.
I got my drug. I'm living one more day
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